Broken chairs to unrealized dreams.....

 

So this just happened.  Truthfully I was laughing my ass off.  See breaking chairs isn’t really that out of the ordinary when you are the size of a baby whale.  It happened at work once – not one of my finer moments.

Oh mercy!  I have found I’m most effective when I’m positive and feeling empowered.  Well that shit went out the window a while back, and I haven’t found it since.

I’m just pissed at myself for letting this happen and not working at it hard enough and how hard it is to make it right.  I don’t know what it is, but I just feel like it has never been harder to get healthy.

And it’s simple to do it.  Most of us know what to do – you eat healthy and you exercise.  You need to eat less calories and get off your ass and get moving.  But the heavier you get, the harder those things get- well the exercise part anyway.  This is because it just kills just to walk.  Just a few months ago things were so much better.  I can’t believe how hard the last 20 or so has been on me.  I seriously see how people just don’t get out of bed one day because it literally hurts so much.  But I can’t let that happen.  But if I don’t do something soon, I will hit that point where it’s just too much.  I’m not getting any closer to that ever.  I vow to get my life back.  I have an idea for this weekend that I think will really help me.  It should be really fun.

I can’t believe how strong that food urge is either.  I nearly went to get cookies and treats like 5 times tonight.  I think it was because I said no to some cake earlier and have been craving things like crazy.  Also I think I self-sabotage myself and the harder I’m trying, the more that devil inside me tries to stuff twinkies in my face.  But I will get there.

At our team luncheon I didn’t choose a healthy option, but I’m glad I didn’t mess up the evening.  I know I will get there and just can’t give up.

LATER………

So you know what just motivated me???? I can’t wait to get down to my healthy weight again and I’m a sexy bitch at that weight.  Plus size beauty.  Check out these beautiful ladies:

 

I will look similar to that one day.  I am beautiful in my own right.  I just want to get healthy, but I don't have to be a toothpick.  I will be happy and sexy.  I just have to work at it-blood, sweat, and tears.