Baby Blues and Training Shoes

No More Excuses

Damn Doctors

Okay I don’t really want to damn them to hell or anything (not really lol), after all my grandfather was a doctor.  My cousin is a doctor and my other cousin a dentist-my favorite doctors and dentists of course (long story-ask my Uncle Richard all about it lol).

Anyway doctors can be really frustrating when their advice is contradictory.  One says “Get those tonsils out”.  The other says “You are too fat for the chimney (I mean…to get your tonsils out)”.  One thing I do know.  They ALL say put down the fork (though they say it much more kindly-usually).

Sadness…

My OB says no way in Hell should I get pregnant again with my current health ailments.  I don’t know what he is talking besides a little thing called HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE and SLEEP APNEA.  Not to mention my heel, knee, back, and shoulder problems (lol I so sound like a hypochondriac).

That hit me pretty hard.  In my mind I was thinking suck it up and get pregnant again soon and it is kind of hard with my weight but do it because I am no spring chicken.  But in my case, he says it would be better getting wait off and then try again for kids after I lose like a hundred or something.

I’ll take a trainer with a side of fries…(or w/out from now on)

So after hearing that I was pretty bummed.  It’s so very serious that I do this now.  I’m not willing to give up more kids just because I like to eat cake for hells sake.  No way!

But I knew I needed to do something drastic.  And I’m not quite ready to do the whole surgery thing.  And nothing against Weight Watchers, but I need someone with a whip (metaphorically-speaking of course). 

So I got a trainer (independent of a gym) and I will train starting Monday two times a week.  HATE spending that mula, but I’m worth it.  And you have to do what it takes.  I’m excited.

Just Do It!

 

I'm Such a WHINER!!!!

Keepin’ me Insane...

Yeah so Adam and I have NOT been doing the workouts every day (friggin’ slackers!), but quite a bit.  And it is still way intense.

So tired from today’s workout.  Poor Adam – he had to really kick my butt.  I didn’t want to work out so bad that he even had to put on my shoes (oh the shame.  I so don’t deserve him-this I K-N-O-W).   I was bitchin’ for the longest time.  But then once we get started, I’m so glad I’m doing it.

MY MOTIVATION:

My adorable Sammi (19 Months)!

Isn't Sammi A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!

MEH

This is so going to be like one of those journal entries you go  back later and white out half of it (oh is it just me that has done that...except I just get a black magic marker-I'm not responsible enough to have white out-I'm actually not sure they still make it right?)

Like seriously I just don't understand how I could be this weak! Why is every day such a damn battle.  Does food really rule my life so?!!!!  It's food for crying out loud.

I've been all mopey cuz Adam has his bros over and now Sammi is asleep.  Its felt like the longest night of my life. I'm feeling guilty that I didn't work out today (and maybe for the lemon bar and GIANT oatmeal cookie I had earlier).

I'm such a loser sometimes.  I've had 4 Cherry Coke Zeros just tonight - sitting her watching tv.  Too lazy to clean the damn house.

And then comes the WOE IS ME crap. 3 spots just make things kind of unbearable. Lower back.  Middle back and one spot on shoulder.  So very painful. I'm thinking of trying the new laser treatment. But I just can't keep up with all of my ailments!  I should see a podiatrist as I limp sometimes from my left heel.  Then with this inversion my asthma is horrible so then I can't wear my sleep apnea mask cuz I have so much phlem.  One doc wants mytonsils out, the other says I'm too fat for that.  UGH.  And yet I'm bloody getting older and we want to try for a kid in March but I'm terrified.  With Sammi the last few months were super hard.

See what I mean about the PITY PARTY?  But the funny thing is that its all my fault. And so that makes me sad and then I want ice cream which is like some idiot teenager masking their acne with acne-causing makeup.

Does it make me any less of an idiot that I'm well aware of the fact???

Also experienced some loss of life lately. Poor Uncle Doug but at least you are no longer in pain now.  Say hi to my Mom. Oh man....why did I even bring up that????  Could I think of any more sad things right now lol.

OMG I so should not hit that Publish button.  Don't do it Holly.  must have happy face right?  Don't do it.  Uh oh.

Breaking the Law (I meant FAST)

Protein, its’s for breakfast

I feel like breakfast is the hardest meal for me cuz

 All I want is pancakes!

I have found that for me, not having so many carbs works best.  I don’t believe at all in eliminating them – but I strive to not have as many during the day (except for fruits and veggies).

But I have this stupid thing about eggs that is completely ridiculous and hypocritical.  I can only eat them if I don’t make them.  And surprisingly, it’s not a lazy thing (not like MOST things ha ha ha ha) 

Something about all that slime and the umbilical cord looking thing!  Ick, I just can’t do it.  Yet I love eggs (how L-A-M-E is that peeps).  When I was little I couldn’t eat them because I thought too much about these:

So this is breakfast today:

I SO need to get some protein powder for

the days Adam doesn’t make me eggs

LMAO.

Riding the Bull! Yee Haw

Can’t Change Yesterday

I could sit here and cry about how bad I did over the weekend, or I could plunge ahead full throttle, taking the bull by the horns.  What is that old cliché – if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always get the same results blah blah blah…..well TRUE DAT.

I always sit there and boob about it – like it’s an excuse to just give up and not try or something.  NO MAS.  Can’t do that shit anymore.  I’m sick of being so weak.

I sit there and watch the Biggest Loser and some contestants there is a part of me that despises them, but really I think I despise that weakness because I have it too.  Thank God for change.  And people can change – I don’t care what some say.  And those contestants are so brave – I really just meant the girl on this season who quit, but hey how many times have I quit.

LAST NIGHT

We were doing the All Cardio Insanity workout which is CRAZY hard and I decided I’m jumping damnit.  When I can –I’m jumping.  Who cares that my 2 bellies bounce and slap lmao.  And holy moly was it intense.  I’m incredibly proud of myself.  Just need to keep it up.

BODYBUGG

I decided to start wearing it again (monitors how many calories you burn), especially since I’m working out so much.

How Did I Get Here?

I don’t remember choosing this

But I did!  For years I blamed everyone else, least of all myself.  But it is all me.  It really is.

One of my dearest friends was empathizing with me the other day about how hard it must be to work out at this weight, and it certainly is (Sadly the people who need to work out the most find it the very hardest!  But isn’t that how life is?) but I have no one to blame but myself.

My grandmother used to say “You ate it.”  Only now do I really understand the full meaning of that.

So no more will I put my hand into my usual bag of excuses-boo hoo my mother died or poor Holly’s father was incarcerated (we used to joke our lives were a country song-Mama’s in the gravehard, Papa’s in the pen).

Ok yeah there were times in my life that were pure HELL but who wasn’t had that?  We all have our own cross to bear.  And it made me who I am today.  

And how can I complain when I have a supportive and loving husband and amazing baby now.    They are my world.  So how about I start living in mine!  NOW.  Forget the past – forgive my mistakes and LET IT GO!  Move on little doggie.

It comes down to this – do I want to stay in this miserable meat suit with all the back, knee, and heel problems that hold me back from everything I want, or do I CHOOSE LIFE!!!  I dream of riding roller coasters with Sammi and playing soccer with her and going river-rafting.  I will enjoy life to the fullest!

Put down the Chocolate and get on the T-R-E-A-D-M-I-L-L

I slipped back into the darkness.

I was on such a high that first week or so, amazed that I could do any part of the Insanity workouts.  I mean hello, have you seen what’s behind me?  And I’ve been trying this new green tea pill that is supposed to help with weight loss.  So for the first time in literally months, I walked into Weight Watchers with confidence.  I couldn’t wait to see the scale.  Imagine my dismay as I gained a pound.  I was fully ready for a small loss, but I couldn’t comprehend a gain.  But then of course, you can put on muscle and gain and after all I’d worked out with Lisa a lot and the Insanity workouts so it makes sense.

I tried to keep telling myself that all weekend and it was like I was just totally bummed.  I didn’t count points.  Saturday especially I did bad.   So if I don’t lose this week – I take full responsibility.  I can’t do that anymore.  I just have to fight through it!

I have the strength!

btr

A Trip down Memory P-A-I-N

Chairs are a fat person’s enemy.

When you are a chubby person, chairs are so not your friend.  And you don’t really know it until you reach a certain level.  Kind of like when even my shadow was fat.  There are different levels of F-L-U-F-F-I-N-E-S-S.  You have to know what I’m talking about.  There is someone maybe 20 pounds overweight at the low spectrum – me at the higher spectrum but then someone 800 pounds who can’t get out of bed – so yeah levels.

…..It was years ago @ Salt Lake Community College when I realized chairs were not my friend.  I forget the class I signed up for.  I went fairly early on the first day as is my habit.  I walk into the classroom and there are about 15 students who had already arrived.  I smiled with them, exchanging pleasantries as I walked into the classroom – eagerly anticipating the semester.  I had no idea of the nightmare I was going to experience right then.

 I chose a seat near the back and went to sit on one of those desk-chair combo things.  You can’t imagine my surprise as I got stuck half-way down – my booty and belly being too much for that piece of furniture.  Not knowing what to do, I stood up and the chair/table came with me.  As I struggled to free myself, someone snickered and then every head in that room turned to witness my utter shame.  As I escaped that room, not a soul could look me in the eye.  Most people were laughing – the rest feeling sorry for me.  I ended up dropping school at that point.

I will defeat this!

I Might Be Dying………

Ok maybe it just feels like it.  Damn you Insanity workout!  And hello, I don’t even do it full throttle – hello a 400 pound chickie don’t really jump (and if I could you wouldn’t want to see it peeps, trust me).  I modify the workout, but you are moving so fast and CONSTANTLY.  Holy buckets!  So I just ignore my aching pains and feet and take a lot of Vitamin I (Ibuprofen lol).

Hooray for Adam doing it with me (and the workout too ha ha jk, or am I?)

So my workouts today:

·       43 minutes Kickboxing workout

·       41 minutes Insanity workout

(Did I mention I also went to Sam's Club. Ok so not a workout for most people, but kinda is for this lady!)

I W-I-L-L Get rid of that root beer belly!

 

I Feel Dead, Fred!

I can’t even describe how tired I am from this workout!

 And all we did was the fitness test!  Adam is amazing doing this with me (ok so I kinda M-A-D-E him do it lol-what a trooper).  At my weight I have to do some major modifications but I’m stoked.

 Tonight we’ll start the first video (last night we did the fitness test which kicked my @$$).  This morning I also did 43 minutes of kickboxing with my buddy Lisa.  I’m spent!

__________________________________

YO NANA IS THE BEST INVENTION EVER!

Have you tried this machine?

It turns frozen fruit into ice cream.  Yeah – ICE CREAM. 

It’s so creamy and delicious and perfectly sweet.  You have to get one!  I'm so excited about this, I might have to make one every single day.  Sammi loves it too!  She just thought it was actually ice cream.

Girl Power in the Shower

(Now that got your attention you perv!!!!  And yet this post is completely innocent…..)

Quick Sammi Funny:

So I’m in the shower earlier tonight taking one of the most grateful showers of my life, especially since we didn’t have water all day as the pipes had started freezing (long story).

Sammi freaks out if Mommy isn’t in view so I leave the door open.  She often plays peek-a-boo with me using the shower curtain and then tries to get some water with her little hands.  I’m not facing her, turn around and see her little leg in the bath tub, and before I could do anything she has climbed in the shower with me – WITH HER CLOTHES ON….EVEN HER BOOTS.

Adam and I were laughing so hard!  I swear that child is a fish!  She is obsessed with water.  She just REALLY wanted a batch tonight apparently.  Being a parent is seriously cool and ALWAYS full of surprises!

A little Insanity...How Fatabulous!

Got Insanity?  I do.  My hubby and I started that program tonight.

So you start with the fitness test.........hmmmmm I could have told you already how unfit I am lol.  It was pretty laughable.

WEEK ONE:

• Switch Kicks = 27
• Power Jacks = 9
• Power Knees = 60
• Power Jumps = 3 (sort of)
• Globe Jumps = 0 (yeah this body don't jump that well.  White men can't jump, and neither can fatabulous women)
• Suicide Jumps = 0  (if you don't know what these are, trust me, you don't want to!)
• Pushup Jacks = 0, but I did modify and do 10 girl push-ups (which gave me my first Charlie horse in my ARM.  O-U-C-H!!!!)
• Low Plank Oblique (is that a foreign language?  No hablo Ingles!) = 0

I'm proud of this chubby gal!!!!  I'm doing it!

I did better at drinking water today - I did eat more veggies and fruits but still could do better!  I counted my points for Weight Watchers online and stayed within my point range.

YEAH ME.  HAPPY AND FATABULOUS!

I'm on my way to be a better me!

New Year = New Life Damnit!

A day doesn’t go by when I don’t think about the importance of my health and making a serious long-lasting change for the better.  I think about how hard it is to get up and down the stairs in our split-level home, not to mention getting down and back up when playing with the baby.  Well, the list could go on and on!  Look at this pic of me (I'm the big fat one in the middle ugh-how did I let this happen-how cliché lol)

 

But it isn’t enough to THINK, is it.  We must ACT.  Definitely planning is an important part of every venture, but I’ve been thinking about it for years now lol.  I’ve been on Weight Watchers (3^rd or 4^th time I think this time around) and have lost and gained each week – goodness knows what they must think of me (especially since they all know me as my mother-in-law works there).

I think sometimes I get frustrated at the whole prospect.  Isn’t it funny that working out is the hardest for those that need it the most – I mean obviously?  I guess it’s easy for me to make excuses with all my health problems.

I’ve been trying to get back on the bandwagon and then Adam last night very R-E-L-U-C-T-A-N-T-L-Y agreed to start the Insanity workout.  So here we go.

Then today something incredibly SHAMEFUL happened.  A semi-broken chair (hadn’t noticed it) completely broke when I sat down on it – right in the middle of a meeting with people watching.  It was awful, horrible, embarrassing and any number of all other related synonyms lol, but I’m actually glad it happened.  Don’t cry for me Argentina, I bounce back (hee hee picture of me bouncing made me giggle).

And at that moment I realized.  THIS IS IT.  I will have no more of this.  My belly hasn’t been this big except when I was pregnant.  It’s simple – I refuse to live like this anymore.  My desire to change is finally greater than my desire for unhealthy food (as least for now ha ha ha)

PROGRESS:

Well I need to improve a great deal.  I did great diet-wise but I need to exercise and I need to drink more water so that is my goal to work on for tomorrow.

MEASUREMENTS:

Damn look at that belly!

Chest:  55.3
Waist:  62
Hips:  76
Biceps:  22.3
Forearm:  16
Thigh:  44.5
Calf:  29.5