MEH

This is so going to be like one of those journal entries you go  back later and white out half of it (oh is it just me that has done that...except I just get a black magic marker-I'm not responsible enough to have white out-I'm actually not sure they still make it right?)

Like seriously I just don't understand how I could be this weak! Why is every day such a damn battle.  Does food really rule my life so?!!!!  It's food for crying out loud.

I've been all mopey cuz Adam has his bros over and now Sammi is asleep.  Its felt like the longest night of my life. I'm feeling guilty that I didn't work out today (and maybe for the lemon bar and GIANT oatmeal cookie I had earlier).

I'm such a loser sometimes.  I've had 4 Cherry Coke Zeros just tonight - sitting her watching tv.  Too lazy to clean the damn house.

And then comes the WOE IS ME crap. 3 spots just make things kind of unbearable. Lower back.  Middle back and one spot on shoulder.  So very painful. I'm thinking of trying the new laser treatment. But I just can't keep up with all of my ailments!  I should see a podiatrist as I limp sometimes from my left heel.  Then with this inversion my asthma is horrible so then I can't wear my sleep apnea mask cuz I have so much phlem.  One doc wants mytonsils out, the other says I'm too fat for that.  UGH.  And yet I'm bloody getting older and we want to try for a kid in March but I'm terrified.  With Sammi the last few months were super hard.

See what I mean about the PITY PARTY?  But the funny thing is that its all my fault. And so that makes me sad and then I want ice cream which is like some idiot teenager masking their acne with acne-causing makeup.

Does it make me any less of an idiot that I'm well aware of the fact???

Also experienced some loss of life lately. Poor Uncle Doug but at least you are no longer in pain now.  Say hi to my Mom. Oh man....why did I even bring up that????  Could I think of any more sad things right now lol.

OMG I so should not hit that Publish button.  Don't do it Holly.  must have happy face right?  Don't do it.  Uh oh.