Come Kiss me Cupcake!

Comfort Food

Have you ever sat back and wondered why you got fat – I mean other than NOT putting the damn fork down?  Or like why you EAT?

I can’t speak for all women, but some of you may relate to this.  Food is a COMFORT!

                                                  

I used to think I ate because my bed was empty (besides me ha ha)……the whole not being married thing.  I mean back in my “religious days”, I’d basically been past all hope for like 15 years before I got married.  Now I’m very happily married with the most beautiful toddler in the world and yet I still really wanna big bag of little donuts (that one is for you Allison) and sweet and fattening stuff ALL the time.

I remember at the lowest point of my life – I remember it was Mother’s Day and at first was laughing at how my life was a country song (Mama’s in the graveyard, Papa’s in the Pen)…and then I went and binge ate until I just cried and felt worse, but during that time of eating, it was like the only thing I could control and the only pleasure I could find in my life (so pathetic and sad).

Sometimes there are just so many reasons to eat…

What a Rebel…

I think part of it is my rebellious, obstinate nature that doesn’t like people telling me what to do like ever lol.  In fact I try to do the exact opposite when that happens. 3 examples:

#1 Mom:  My mom worried about my weight, because she knew I had the same tendency as her.  I got my body from her after all-small on top, bigger on the bottom (especially a big bottom lol).  She hounded on me when I went to my best friend next door (Jill), to only have 1 piece of whatever while my friend (a stick) had like 4-6.  It just seemed so unfair to me and annoying.  So when my mom started working outside of the home, I started seriously gaining because I could have as many pieces as I wanted and she would never know! (that was kind of before the whole hidden camera era lol).
#2 Grandma Dyer:  On one visit I just snapped when she got on her whole ‘oh you have a beautiful face, if you could just lose weight….’ bullshit, I just had it.  I basically told her that I knew she was trying to say things out of love but that what she was doing was NOT helping – it just made me go by extra value meals and eat lots of ice cream because that’s what fat people do when we feel bad.  I told her that if she wasn’t going to pay for me to go on Jenny Craig or something then to shut the hell up (of course I sad it ‘somewhat’ nicer).  I then told her verbatim “Besides, fat people get married ALL the time!” (and actually I showed her years later that statement was true-ha ask me the story of when she asked me what color my dress was going to be.  I was tempted to tell her bright red with the word ‘WHORE’ on the back)  She never brought up the weight thing again after that outburst. (I’m sure my Mom & Grandma are up there laughing about this-at least I hope!)

#3 Primary Care Physician:  So my former doctor was young, gorgeous, thin, and well just obnoxious (not just for those qualities).  Her answer to ALL of my ailments was to lose weight.  I started having serious back problems and again she told me she would do nothing because of my weight and told me that I’m MORBIDLY OBESE (ask me how much I love that phrase!***cringes***).  So again, something in me snapped (trust me peeps I’m a Gemini and though people usually think I’m all sunshine and butterflies, the bitch gets released sometimes and if you witness it, my apologies and simply RUN FOR COVER!!!!).  After her telling me I was morbidly obese I said in my most smartassy (cuz that’s a word!) voice “REALLY?  I’m fat.  OMG, I had no idea!”.  She looked at me completely dumbfounded, not knowing what to do.  I don’t think medical school prepares them for this bitch.  I then just basically told her that I thought it was funny that people are sure quick on the gun to point out your problem, like you don’t know it!  Like do they think this is new information?  Oh, is that why it hurts so much to walk and why my back and feet hurt and why I never date (back in my single days).  Like I have this circus mirror in my house that elongates my body and special order my clothes to where they take off the first digit or something? (RANT ALERT….well that’s really the whole blog).  I told her it was especially annoying with doctors because they can’t even help with obesity because insurance won’t cover your visit if that is the diagnosis (irony).

How do you stop your old habits? I’m trying these:

·       Focusing on my goals/dreams

·       Working out, taking a walk when I get urges