The Lies They Tell

Sex, Lies, & Videotape

Ha ha, got your attention! So today’s topic is really Health Lies.  Okay maybe they aren’t really lies and are totally true, but they SO do not feel true-be prepared for a little tongue and cheek ya’ll-let’s cozy up.

LIE #1:  Exercise makes you feel great and full of energy!

                              

Do you believe that?  Work out and you will be bouncing around like the energizer bunny!  You will have more energy than you even know what to do with!  They say it, so it must be true right?  OMG seriously?  What idiot believes that!  I’m sorry, but that is SO not true.  For instance, my trainer Thomas killed me (at least it felt like it) in last night’s workout, so during cardio with my BFF Lisa this morning I was feeling ANYTHING but great PEEPS.  And energy!!!!  I don’t know what that word means.

Okay yes I’m proud of myself when I exercise yeah, but don’t lie to us.  I just want instead for people to say “Exercise, it hurts like hell but it’s worth it.”  Like at least be honest.

But maybe it’s a fat thing.  You know like when you laugh at things you shouldn’t like when a skater falls during a performance (Oh come on, its just a tad bit funny you KNOW it)?  So its similar when you are watching the Biggest Loser and they are crying on the treadmill.  Now I know you laugh a little, even I do.  But seriously I know why they are crying.  Bodies made by KFC are not accustomed to the treadmill.

LIE#2:  Drinking water helps you feel more full!

                             

Well totally!  Why when I’m hungry I just have me a couple cups o’ H20 and I’m good to go for the day.  I can’t even begin to describe how NOT true this is for me.  When I’m hungry and feeling empty, I have some water and I just feel even more empty, like there is nothing there at all.  Do you know what I mean!  Maybe I’m the only one.

And don’t even get me started on water.  I am drinking more of it and I get it.  I know it’s healthy blah blah blah.  I’m no scientist, but sometimes the logistics just don’t make sense.  If my body is 60% water and I’m trying to lose 50% of my water, WHY SHOULD I BE ADDING TO IT?????  (so logical I know-hold your applause).

No one can make up their mind how much we should even drink.  WebMD says that the whole ‘8 glasses a day thing’ isn’t even based on scientific evidence, and is really more of a guideline (hello I feel  Pirate joke coming on).  Per Mayo Clinic I should be drinking 11.5 cups.  Then I checked out about.nutrition.com and they actually have a little survey you feel out.  Guess how much I should be drinking a day?  210 ounces.  Yes 210 ounces.  That is 26 cups!!!  So you’ll recognize me, I’ll be the one walking around hooked up to a garden hose.  And watch out for your swimming pool cuz that will only last me a week or so!

LIE #3:  Eating healthy makes you feel healthy.

                             

Hmmm, now I am the first to admit that when you go overboard the other direction you do not feel good at all.  But just let me tell you when I’m drinking all this water and fiber etc, you just don’t even want to know the funky pains and bathroom trips.  I know it’s good for my body, but it don’t feel like it!

 All in good fun!