Dead Mom Letters #5

Dear Mom,

I know I’m a drama queen at times, but today was more rough than I can even describe.  And in fact, I can’t describe it.  I literally can’t say the details of it at all since I’m making your letters so public.  I know I’m the one blogging but damn you internet (okay totally kidding.  Literally can’t imagine life without it-though I did exist for years without it).  Let’s just say that I didn’t get much sleep last night and that I had an incredibly difficult discussion with someone today.  No Mom, I’m not getting a divorce lol.  (I know you would kick my butt if that were the case, because I’m pretty sure you had a hand in selecting my rock – my Adam).

Even now I’m still affected.  A discussion went exactly the opposite as I expected.  My jaw dropped to the floor during it and I’ve been shaking in disbelief ever since.  Oh these horribly cryptic details.  But in time I will be able to reveal pieces I think.

Another piece of this even angered me.  My worth, my value has never been such in question (oh okay, other than one of my missionary companions who had the audacity to tell me once that she just couldn’t see any good qualities in me).  Everything I stand for has been called into question.  All my hard efforts for months have not been appreciated and I am no longer needed.  Oh but before I give it all away…on to the next topic.

The WIO Plan

So I’m going back to the hardest and yet most effective diet plan I’ve ever been on.

And yes it’s not without some trepidation.  But I’ve been losing sleep over this issue as well Mom.  It’s time to take the bull by the horns.

I can do anything I set my mind to.  You taught me that for years Mom, and I really have to tell myself that and believe it with firm conviction to make it work this time.

So with the WIO plan you have 3 shakes a day and one meal (dinner that is a protein and a vegetable).  After the first few weeks you can add some additional snacks.  They have a special flour you can use to make some tasty muffins and pizza etc.

Suddenly I’m having flashbacks of you and dad always being on Slim Fast those many years ago. I remember loving the sip you would give me lol.

But the whole thing is lower carbs.  It works so well for me, but I crave carbs so much!  It’s all I want.  But being on the plan and taking my phentermine (appetite suppressant), I think I really might have a chance Mom.

So the plan is to give it my all on this.  I’ll make you proud of me Mom.

Sammi

Oh there is so much I want to talk to you about her Mom.  Her fiery little spirit-her curls and blue eyes that are turning more green like mine.  Being a mother is such a precious gift, as you well know. I now know and appreciate all you did for me – for me and my sisters too.  You were our rock Mom.  You did such a good job.

I hope I can be half the Mom you were.  I remember wanting to do everything so well, not because you expected or demanded it, but just how you made us feel and how you would brag about us.  How on earth did you keep up with all four of us and all we had going on?!!!!!  No wonder you hated going back to work.  But even when you did Mom you were still there for us.  You remembered who had a test and who had what.  You always asked us about it and helped us with our homework.  You held us to a strict schedule to make sure we got our chores and schoolwork done.  I can’t tell you what a valuable life lesson that was Mom.

This maybe sounds selfish a wee bit, but I guess too I miss hearing all the stories about me.  Oh you know dad.  He tells us one turned blue…he doesn’t remember the specifics, not like you did.  I do remember some things, like how you thought I was such an obedient child until I got glasses at about Sammi’s age and suddenly the world came alive for me lol.  Oh mom how grateful I am that Sammi has good vision thus far!  She is so healthy and for that I’m so grateful.

Are you able to watch down on us often Mom?  I like to think that you do from time-to-time, seeing that silly little girl dance and the crazy things she comes up with!  What an imagination she has. 

 

Somehow it makes me feel closer to you Mom, being a Mom.  It’s an amazing thing.

Well, I know you would encourage me to make the most of this WIO thing and to be grateful we can afford it right now and to go forward, guns blazing!  So I will do it Mom, for me, for you, for Sammi, Adam, and our unborn child.

Love you to pieces!  Say hi to Elvis for me...lol, I KNOW you have had to meet him by now!!!!

 

Love Holly