Dead Mom Letters #8 - Sept & Nov 1989

Journal Entries – 1989

 

Well Mom, you know me and my crazy journals.  The below excerpt from one of my journals was written nearly 25 years ago, 2 months after you died.  Below that is a picture of the actual journal so you can see my crazy handwriting (I was going through an ALL-CAPS phase).  Wow, where have the years gone Mom.  Can it be that you have been gone for a quarter of a century?!!  Craziness.

Thursday, September 28, 1989 6:54 AM

On July 28, 1989 (exactly 2 months ago) my dear mother died.  IT was very, very hard for me to stand.  I still have problems even today.

 

I haven’t been able to write in this journal for a while because I didn’t want to have to write it down.

I loved her very much and I still do.  I am glad that there is an afterdeath.

 

In case you are wondering, she passed away in her sleep.  It is extremely difficult to talk about it, so bear with me.  It was a Friday morning at about 5:00…..

Apparently it was too much for me to finish that entry!  Next entry:

Saturday, November 25, 1989 8:24 PM

It has been a long time and I want to start writing in my journal again regularly.  I don’t’ want to write down the details of my mother’s death at this moment because I am not in the mood.

I am in a pretty good mood!  Actually I am in a very good mood!  I love life and I love my family and I love God!!  I want to be like him and I look up to him!  He is a great man!

 

I am learning to accept my Mother’s death.  I understand that God does everything for a purpose.  WE will not always know the purpose, but there definitely is one.  I believe that in my Mother’s case, there are several reasons.

 

I know that my Mom loves me and I know that she knows that I love her.  She is a wonderful person and I care for her deeply.  She touched many lives, especially my own.  Many people said she was a great person and I definitely agree.  She is awesome!  She is okay and she is having a memorable time.  Someday I will see and be with her again, but in a way she will always be with us.  She is in my heart!  In return, I am in her heart.  In that respect her spirit and her memory will always be with me.  What a comfort that great thing is!  I have felt her near and I love her.

 

I go on and talk about how you can rule the school being in ninth grade and talk about how I’m on Nutri-system. 

Journal Entry Pic

 

Current Day (25 Years later ha ha)

Wow, a quarter of a century later and I’m still working on this problem!  Enough is enough Mom right?

It’s really hard, but I know I can do it.  Tomorrow is the big day when I find out how much I lost this week.  Oh I hope the hard work has been worth it!!!  I mean it really has sucked.  I have been so so grumpy!

I think part of that though has been work and also being sick yet again.

Ha, was just going to say ‘love you to death’.

Dork! (me not you Mom)

Love,

Holly