Letter to Myself

Have you ever noticed how evaluating someone else’s life is so much easier than your own?  When you aren’t in the picture, thinks seem much clearer.  If I was my best friend who knew my past, my fears, my strengths and so forth, what would I say to me?  Something like this perhaps?:

Holly, first off, just know that you are an amazing woman.  I know that right now you feel like you are drowning in life’s big ocean and you feel lost.  I know you feel like a big failure in everything you do and only see your shortcomings.

But I can see so much more.  No matter what you think, you ARE a great mom, an awesome wife, and a beautiful person.  You have overcome so many obstacles in life, I just know you can beat this health issue Holly.  I KNOW you can. 

I know you have been through a lot in this life.  Your mother passed away when you were a teenager, an accidental overdose.  I know how that tragedy has affected you.  And as if that wasn’t enough, everything with your dad and his imprisonment and just all of the family drama.  It was too much.  Life hasn’t been easy for you.  I wish I could make things right and make things fair, but we know that isn’t possible.  Everyone has trials and a past.  Some have it way worse, some have it better.  But none of that matters.  You have to focus on the future.

It’s time for you to let go of all that pain Holly.  LET IT GO.  Of course you will always miss your Mom, and all of those things greatly impacted you, but it’s time to take control and move on.

You have a choice Holly.  A CHOICE!  This obstacle is unique in that you can overcome it.  It’s not like a cancer you are dying from, though this certainly could kill you if you don’t do something about it.  You must stop living in the past and wallowing in the might haves and how you got this way.  That doesn’t matter anymore!  This is where you are and you can’t do anything about the past.  What’s done is done.  Think of the future.  You deserve to be happy!  Happiness is in your future- you just have to reach out and grab it Holly.  I know you want it for Sammi, for Adam, and for YOU!

I know you want to overcome this.  I see you missing out of things now due to your health and I see how it impacts you and how it draws you further away into your own little sad world.  Don’t hide and make things worse!  Be brave, put a smile, on your face and take it one day at a time.  You will get there if you don’t give up.  I promise you.  You are one strong bitch, and I know you can overcome this.  You can take control of those desires to overeat and eat unhealthy and take command!  Be that soccer bitch you have always wanted to be.

Think of all the things you have to look forward to Holly.  Riding bikes with Sammi, riding a roller coaster with her.  Don’t miss out on her life or YOUR life.  You want to dance and play soccer and that crazy list you have like being in a play.  PLEASE DON’T FORGET THOSE.  Don’t give up.  DON’T GIVE UP.

I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS.  But it isn’t going to be easy.  Even with all of the tough things in life you have already been through, this may be harder than any of them.  DON’T BE AFRAID TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.